Today, I decided to planted some colorful flowers in the yard. I must say it was very therapeutic and it gave me some time to think about things!
These are some of the beauties I planted:
I have been having some work issues lately and it has been making me miserable! I have been trying to look on the bright side! Yeah, I know.......good luck! I stumbled across this information and I think I am going to try it!
A productive way to cheer yourself up after a particularly bad day, when everything seems to have gone wrong, is to:
* Call your best friend
* Take a bath
* Run a mile
* Cry
* Write a list of gratitudes for what is working in your life
* Send cards to people you love thanking them for being there for you
* Sing really loud
* Hug
* Pat a dog
* Get a massage
Do anything that gets you back in touch with your life right now.
Usually when we are having a bad day we amplify it and dismiss anything positive. We feel that it will last forever or this is the beginning of the end. We forget any good, any kindness, any moments where we weren't having a bad day. A day is filled with moments so instead of counting and affirming the 'bad' moments, affirm the good ones.
I have to apologize for my lack of blogging lately! I am training a new writer in my group and to be honest she is taking all of my energy. Literally. More to come about that situation later :)
Yesterday I heard about two acquaintances of mine that are pregnant. While I am extremely happy for them, this happiness that I feel causes me to have some sadness.
I remember back in September, when I first found out I was pregnant, I was so happy and filled with this unexplainable joy. Pure joy.
I wish this pure joy on these ladies. I wish them 10 fold what I had!
However, I would never wish on them what I experienced next. That is the part that makes me sad. When I remember the happiness, the pure joy, I also remember the sadness, the pure anguish.
We went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows when we lost our baby. I think the saying is right, "The first cut is the deepest." I don't think I will ever forget September 14, 2005. I believe it was the toughest day of my life.
I was able to work through my emotions and get past my sadness. I want to work through my emotions when this feeling hits me, and think about the future. The future is bright, really bright, I just need to take off my shades to see the light :)
Thanks for reading.
My man sent me flowers and candy to the office today for me! AAWWW...how sweet! I have been in "office hell" and I think he just wanted to brighten up my day and tell me how much he loves me! Thanks Sparky!
These are the three things I miss everyday (one in particular I know I should not miss, but I do)!
- Percival-Every time I look at Pascal I see Percival all over again. I miss him dearly.
- Cigarettes-I think I know what addiction is all about now. I know that cigatettes are bad for me, but I still crave them everyday. It is a daily battle.
- My Jeep-I never thought I would miss an inanimate object so much! I think what I miss most about my Jeep is that when I drove it around I felt young!
I just want to say that appreciate everyone's comments! I love getting different view points on subjects in my life. I don't want anybody to feel like your comments are not welcomed :)
I think that is a wonderful statement to remember, thanks Karol! :)
I have been wresting with the whole baby thing lately. I just can't make a decision to save my life! The past 6 months have been hard on us, and to even think about another 6 months like this is unbearable! I am going to go ahead with the infertility testing, but I am thinking about taking a break after that. I just want to make sure we are having a baby for the right reasons, and not just because we are on a roll. Make sense?!
A close friend, and my husband, recently told me that I lack confidence. At first, their comments and the idea that people would think that I lack confidence caught me off guard.
Internally, I have always thought I had confidence. In fact, in certain situations, I have often thought that I was overly confident.
Isn't it weird how you can see yourself so differently than others do? I decided to do some thinking and I took their comments to heart.
I decided I needed a solid definition of what confidence is, so I went to www.dictionary.com!
con·fi·dence----A feeling of assurance, especially of self-assurance.
I guess I have been confusing confidence with self-worth, or some other characteristic. Now that I have a true definition, maybe I do lack confidence in the aspect that I am whishy-washy!
I go back-and-forth on my ideas and what I think. For instance, one day I think Coke is the best drink ever, and then the next day, I question myself and before I know it I think Pepsi is the best drink ever!
So I think they were right! Now I need to get more confidence. I am going to start standing behind my initial thoughts and ideas. Start standing behind my beliefs and values. Stop questioning my actions to the point of second guessing them. It's a new day, people! A new day!
We went to the dog park on Sunday. We had a blast! Chipug tried to kill every other dog, while Fat Bastard ran around and tried to hump every other dog!
Andrew and I had a good Valentine's day. He bought me several gifts and gave me two cards! I got him some boots, two pairs of socks, and a belt. We also went out to dinner and had a very nice evening!
The specialist basically told us that he doesn't think we will have any problems having a baby. HOWEVER, we have to do some testing before we can really get down to business! Within the next week (or so) the following is going to happen:
*I am having a lot of blood work done (yeah, like 12 vials!).
*I am also going to have some test done where shoot dye up into my uterus and check it all out.
*Andrew is giving his sample for testing.
Then after all of that and the results are analyzed, we can go from there!
So blue monster had to answer the phones today for a little while at his work. I decided I wanted to play a joke on him, here is what went down:
Andrew: ProClaim America how may I direct your call?
Amy: May I please speak to Al.
Andrew: I'm sorry, who are you looking for?
Amy: Al.
Andrew: I'm sorry, but I think you have the wrong number.
Amy: I am looking for Al, Al Coholic. I know he works there.
It was great! Made my day! I got the idea from http://www.snpp.com/guides/moe_calls.html.
Well, Andrew had something come up at work and we can't make the appointment on the 8th. UGH. So I had to reschedule for the 15th. I really wanted to go this week, and had been looking forward to the appointment, but shit happens :)
So much for covering my tracks! He was actually okay with all of my blog entries, although he did say that he thinks all of my friends think he is a monster. I told him that ya'll don't think he is a monster, and that actually most of the time ya'll stick up for him! Maybe he is a monster, like that cute blue monster from Monsters, Inc! Blue Monster = Sparky
Speaking of the Blue Monster, that is his new nickname, he got a promotion at work today! He is officially now a Litigation Assistant! Congratulations Blue Monster! You go on with your bad, blue self :)
Last night Andrew told me he wanted his own blog. I told him I would create one for him, however I found it rather odd that he wanted a blog, since he threw such a hissy fit over mine a few weeks ago! But, whatever.
So I was creating it for him, and I asked him what he wanted the title of his blog to be. He said, "The Life of a White Married Pimp." Let's think about this.........yeah, that is what I thought!
What the hell! Why in the world does this white honky think he is a pimp?? He listens to old country music, if you even say the word vagina he blushes, and I once made the mistake of telling him I smoked pot and I thought he was going to sign me into the Betty Ford clinic!! I don't understand it.
I guess he is still just a teenager at heart! Boys!
BTW...I am not going to give out the address to his blog until I know what he is going to write about! I don't want to be embarrassed by his radical views or by his crazy inner-city language. The things that Andrew thinks are really funny are not typically humorous to me because I am not in 6th grade :)
...that said I lack compassion really hurt my feelings. But it is stupid because she didn't say these things to me, she told Andrew and he told me! After he told me all the horrible things she said about me, and everyone else, I told him not to tell me anything she says about me again! I just don't have the personality for that! I am going to take the high road and try not to let it bother me, and feel secure knowing that she is very unhappy. I feel sorry for her. Wow, that sounds like compassion right there! Thanks for all the support!
"You don't need to know someone to be affected by their actions."
I just read that sentence and thought that was an awesome statement! Yesterday, I saw a cat that had just been hit by a car on HWY 6. Not to give too many details, but it was still alive when I saw it, and the situation completely caught me off guard. It was raining and I was all dressed up to go somewhere. All of these crazy thoughts crossed my mind. The main one being, "Should I turn around and get it out of the street?" It absolutely broke my heart. This cat, that I don't know and had never seen, just touched me. I did turn around, BUT I didn't stop the car because it was evident that the cat was dead. And I was afraid of being rear-ended by another car and getting killed trying to rescue a dead cat. I said a little prayer and told myself that there was essentially nothing I could do about it. So, I didn't need to know that cat to be affected by its death. After all I am only human :)
AND to Andrew's family member that says I have no compassion, eat that you old bitty!
Andrew and I have an appointment on Feb. 8th at 3:00! If Dr. Pham thinks this is where we should go, then we will go there! Here is the website to the institute if you want to take a look! www.houstonfertilityinstitute.com