I left my camera at Andrew's parents house. I will post some pixs and details a little later :)
This morning on the way to work I was listening to a CD I got for Christmas. Not a new CD, but a rediscovered CD J One guess who the artist is? Yes, it’s Dolly. I have bought this CD THREE times and THREE times I have lost it. This time I burnt it and I downloaded it. It’s not going anywhere, HA.
Anywho, I was listening to this CD and I found myself thinking about my birth father. Not sure why he popped into my head, but he did. For the purpose of this post I will use his initials (ORL) when referring to him.
I was thinking about ORL and wondering if he got my Christmas card. Before I sent him the card, I checked his to see if his address was still current on the internet. To be honest, I have no idea why I didn’t just use the address I have used for the past six years now.
Weird, but I did look it up and he DID end up having a new address, or so I think. I guess it bothered me that IF he does have a new address and they did move that no one told me, but then again I have only spoken to the man ONE in the past six years. Although, his wife and I have had contact through e-mail and snail mail. But once again, I digress J
So anyway back to my story, this CD was playing and this song came on, Not for Me. Isn’t it amazing how a song can sound completely different when you have something on your mind? I have heard this sound a million times, okay at least a thousand times, and I have always thought it was about love. You know, romantic love. But this morning, this song was about ORL and me.
With love, I always try so hard to get it right
I find it gone just when I think I might
Regretfully I see it last for some, but not for me
Out of reach of all the things I want to have and hold
I've come to just accept that's how it goes
I've come so close
Not for me, it's not for me to question, I suppose
But I keep wonderin' what the future holds
Why must it be?
That life's so sweet for some, but not for me
Every single line represents how I feel at this moment about the situation I have been experiencing for the past six years with him. I want to accept that this is how it is going to be, but I can’t help but think about the future and wonder if it is going to change. If one day I am going to wake up and make a call or if he is going to make a call. I wonder what is keeping all of us from being a family. I look at other families and I think how lucky they are to know both of their parents. To know where they come from. I was telling Andrew that I don’t know half of my blood relatives. I have no clue who they are. He looked at me like I was crazy. If I could make this work, if I could pull this off, I would be triple lucky because I would have three families!
one of the mounted assistants to a matador, who opens the bullfight by enraging the bull and weakening its shoulder muscles with a lance.
I know! I am sorry! I couldn't help it! I had to do it :)
Introduced to you in a previous post, this little squirrel still lives and manages to scare me on a weekly basis!