Though the deck is stacked against you
Win or lose, you´ve to play
The hand a life has dealt you
And It is a gamble either way
Andrew and I went to our consultation appointment yesterday. It didn't go very well at all. I guess we both went in with a lot of preconceived thoughts and ideas. Boy, were we ever wrong! A few weeks back, the nurse from Dr. K's office called me and told me that my blood work was back. She said I needed a Rubella vaccine, and that the blood work turned out well. There was no cause for concern, and that we need to schedule another visit. So, I was like, cool! That brings us too yesterday. Come to find out, my blood work was not as good as they alluded to. I had two important fertility hormones come back mediocre. One was a protein, and I cannot remember the name of it, and the other was my FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone http://www.advancedfertility.com/day3fsh.htm and http://www.highfshinfo.com/ ). My FSH is 9.3. Not good. Not bad, but not good. It's not ultra high like 25. Then we would be screwed! But basically FSH is your time meter. A high FSH means your time is running out and that you potentially have potentially egg issues. Here are our options:
1. Go to injectables. ONE round is around $6,000.
2. Go straight to IVF. ONE round is around $11,000.
3. Adopt.
4. Do nothing.
With #1 and #2, there are no guarantees. We could go into debt with #2, and pay on it for years, and have NOTHING to show for it. NOTHING.
With #2, we could have multiples (twins or triplets) and be $7,000 in debt and have to pay for two or three babies' daycare costs, etc. That would NOT be fun.
With #3, who doesn't want a baby of their own? I am all for adoption, but the process is brutal and slow.
With #4, when I am 50, will I look back with regret? Every person, EVERY person, I have met with children say that the BEST thing that has ever happened to them are their kids. To me that is priceless (but then my logical side says that going into to debt for IVF is a gamble and would be heartbreaking to pay for something for years with no result).
So…do you see our dilemma?! We have gone back and forth, back and forth. Let me answer some of your questions (because I know you have them!).
-Why the weird song in the title?!! When I came out of the doctor's office, my head spinning, that song came into my head and I can't get rid of it! Then, I came home and looked up the lyrics and thought, how ironic!
-There are no guarantees on any of this. NONE.
-There are no real statistics on IVF or injectables. It really is a case-by-case thing.
- We have $5,000 starting Jan.1 in our FLEX spending account. Anything over that comes out of our pocket (savings) or we get a loan (as the doctor's office told us to do).
-There is no way to decrease your FSH. It is what it is.
-We have talked about getting another opinion, but come on; there are only so many options. You either have injectables or IVF.
-My insurance pays for the preliminary testing, but NONE of the treatment options.
-Yes, I have thought about having a personal fundraiser, but Andrew said that is tacky!
-The doctor did not say anything about whether I could conceive naturally or not. It makes since that with a high FSH, or above normal (the doctor likes it at 2), that my eggs are not great. Bad eggs can result in miscarriages, which is what you want!
All of this is a gamble. Andrew said last night before we went to bed that this situation is miserable, and I agree. You see people all over the place with kids who don't take care of them (or kill them like Baby Grace) and it is hard. All we want is ONE, healthy kid. Just one will do!
Ok, I am done and VERY open to your suggestions and comments. Bring them on! I need to hear some other voices, besides the ones in my head. HA!
Full lyrics to the song
Being born was the worse & the 1st mistake I ever made
The doctor didn´t spank me, he just slapped me in the face
And the cup of love was always quenching someone else´s thirst
Leaving me to swallow the bitter taste of hurt ´
Cause I was raised an orphan
Never wanted as a kid till the year I turned 13
Then everybody did, strangers pass me back & forth
Men just took me as they pleased
And others had a Cinderella slave to cook & clean & weep
Though the deck is stacked against you
Win or lose, you´ve to play
The hand a life has dealt you
And It is a gamble either way
On a dust road at 15 in a yellow cotton dress
With the desert sun like an angry dragon breathing down my neck
And the dry cracked plains would make me think of a prehistoric time
Or should I fear what lay before me less than what I would left behind
A 15 year old girl don´t have no trouble hitching rides
But sometimes when you are riding free
You will pay the highest price
On back roads & in back seats
And in a cheap highway motel
But what´s a few more strangers in a life of nothing else
16 caught me crying, underneath the scarlet light
On the door steps of a stranger on a cold & rainy night
When I walked into the parlour here
Other pieces seemed to fit I was good at pleasing strangers
So I made the most of it
Either way it is all a gamble
So view the stakes & know the odds
And lay your cards upon the table
Do all the dealing from the top
Amy,
I'm so sorry to hear that the blood work results were not what you had thought. It makes me mad that they did not explain all that before hand, and that you and Andrew went into the office thinking happy and positive. I'm sure it made the reality even more frustrating. :(
Honestly, many people can offer suggestions and opinions, but ultimately you and Andrew have to listen to your hearts. (Listen to your head too, but sometimes our heads can betray our hearts/hopes/dreams.)
I know you both want to be parents. I know you will both be amazing parents, and your special baby will be so lucky to call you Mom. Whether it is a baby that you conceive naturally, through help, or adopt, that baby will be YOURS and you will forever belong to him or her.
My initial opinion (take it for what it's worth...which is not much) is this. If you wanted to try one of the infertility help methods, and you would be spending such a huge amount of money regardless, I would "go all the way" and choose the IVF. I realize there are really no statistics that prove it is any more/less successful than the injections. And I know the thought of having multiples is scary. However, even if you get pregnant with multiples, there is no guarantee that they will all make it (sad as that is). Our friends struggled for YEARS, finally got pregnant with twins, through IVF, and she lost one at 4 months and was on bed rest to sustain the health of the other. AND if you are blessed to have two or even three healthy babies, just remember, God does not give you anything you cannot handle. We often think we cannot provide financially, and though it may be tight, somehow money always shows up when you need it.
On the flip side, you could almost try 2 rounds of the injectables for the same price of one IVF.
If you are interested in at least talking to someone about the adoption process, my mother-in-law is a social worker who specializes in adoption. I know she would advise wisely and could give you a real estimate of time, money, and options available.
I wish I knew what to tell you. I wish I could do something, anything, to help you guys out. All I know to offer is my constant support and prayers. I will seriously be lifting you guys to the Lord, asking that He give you peace and wisdom about these difficult circumstances and decisions.
(On a side note, I dont think it is tacky at all to try a personal fundraiser. People do it all the time. And for that matter, I'm sure myself and plenty of your family and friends would be more than happy to host the fundraiser, asking for money on your behalf...so you wouldnt feel like it was you asking for money.)
Jesse said...
8:39 PM