As many of you know, our first baby would have been born in April. It is hard for me to imagine that Andrew and I could of had a baby this month. It is so surreal. Most of the time we don't talk about the baby, since we both just want to move on with our lives (That sounds so selfish when I say it, but it is so true.).
But this weekend, we did talk about the baby. I can't go into the specifics about our conversation, but I can tell you that we have both been thinking about our baby these last few weeks. I can also tell you that we are both still so tremendously heartbroken over the loss, words cannot describe our hurt. Just the slightest mention of our first baby from Andrew renders me speechless, and brings me to tears.
Daily reminders remind us of what could have been. Neither one of us are immune to our feelings of discontent deep down inside when we hear about someone else having a baby, even though we are happy for them on the outside. My hope is that one day our feelings from the loss of our dream, will turn from immense sadness into immense joy when we look into our baby's eyes.
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